I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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