i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How does one acquire holy water?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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