you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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