About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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