I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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