The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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