Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize