i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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