sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
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you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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