It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize