Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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