I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize