Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
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You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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