tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize