dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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