I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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