I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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