Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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