yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm both gender and math confused
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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