No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize