Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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