Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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