so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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