Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Randomize
Follow @tfln