fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Small penises have feelings too.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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