Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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