Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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