Soap is not a condiment
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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