On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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