Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize