I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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