You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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