Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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