This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
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I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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