i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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