According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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