im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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