When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize