I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize