the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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