He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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