Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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