If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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