He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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