4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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