I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize