We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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