so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
tell me about the fingering
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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