The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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