So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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