girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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